The much-anticipated first-ever Woke Olympics, designed to crown the loudest outrage artist in the culture wars, has stumbled out of the gate with an unexpected problem – a severe shortage of participation trophies. Organizers hoped to bring together the most sensitive and performative activists for a grand display of virtue signaling and grievance competition. Instead, the event is facing low turnout and a logistical headache.
According to insiders, the primary cause is what officials are calling excessive offense fatigue. Potential competitors, so accustomed to finding new causes to be outraged by, reportedly found themselves overwhelmed and distracted by other social justice battles. The event’s core principle – that everyone is a winner – hangs in the balance, as the trophy count threatens to fall short of the participants.
In response, the organizing committee is scrambling to keep the spirit alive. Plans are underway to replace traditional trophies with participation certificates printed on recycled virtue. Attendees will also receive bonus points for using hashtags like #CancelEverything and #VictimPoints during the event’s online coverage. The hope is to maintain momentum despite the rocky start and encourage broader participation in future years.
Despite these early setbacks, insiders promise that next year’s Woke Olympics will be bigger and louder than ever. The competition will double down on rewarding outrage, ensuring that no feeling goes unpoliced and no grievance unrecognized. One organizer said the Woke Olympics is not just a contest but a lifestyle. They are committed to making sure that every expression of offense gets the recognition it deserves.
Unfortunately, as this unconventional sporting event evolves, one thing is clear: in the world of woke culture, the pursuit of outrage remains a high-stakes game and the Woke Olympics is here to stay.
